purple... & other colours

Today's the day to wear purple to commemorate the gay young men who committed suicide due to homophobic abuse.

I knew right away that i didnt wanna do this. Partly because contemplating suicides is just too depressing and i havent any sadness left over for losses other than my own right now. but partly because i search for a response that's digging deeper to the heart of the wider problem.. the global context in which these tragedies occur.

Of course it's terrible that young gay men end their lives in this way.
Just as its awful that young muslims see fit to destroy themselves and take others with them , seeing, presumably , no way to live in the circumstances they find themselves.
It's awful that our welfare state is being destroyed in front of our eyes by a so-called coalition govt. ... and on & on the list could go.

It seems there is a 'reign of terror' happening in our world right now, tho not the one George W used as an excuse to kill.

I feel scared and vulnerable, as i age, struggle with health concerns and worry about a sustainable income... & I'm relatively priviledged!

It seems we've created a society/world in which no one feels safe and these acts of deplorable - & life-threatening- bullying, seem, to me, to spring from this unhinged fear and distress.

Thus, tho I obviously oppose such behaviour, I dont believe it will end until the underlying cause is corrected.i.e. until we re-establish a world in which it is safe to be human.

P>S> However, I write this clad in magenta satin, which, for me, says the same thing yet in a more visceral ("actually some of us are still alive!" ) kinda way!. .. and, when I go out shortly, i shall wear a purple scarf.

xxxC

"It’s been decided. On October 20th, 2010, we will wear purple in honor of the 6 gay boys who committed suicide in recent weeks/months due to homophobic abuse in their homes and at their schools. Purple represents Spirit on the LGBTQ flag and that’s exactly what we’d like all of you to have with you: spirit"

wondering how to get thru the next few months..... : (

answers on a postcard please!!!!

%^&**(&^%ing Nightmare!!!!!!!!

My brother appears to deteriorate... tho his care team seem to think that's fine. This necessitates regular contact with my childhood home which raises stark memories of the neglect and abuse i suffered there. This distresses me greatly. at the same time I'm challenged with administrating my father's will and facilitating my brother's understanding and involvement in this. I'm stressed, distressed and somewhat at the end of my rope with all this. Not to mention its only just 2 months since my father died and, tho I've had some kindness and love from friends surrounding this, I frequently find myself alone and lacking nurture and support. This just repeats family patterns of neglect and damaging force to perform. I'm hanging in. still functional and hopefully still capable of creative thought & strategy.... but it's hell. Hard. and i feel overstretched and close to my limit.

Song in progress...

Working on this folk-rock number.... trying to conjure something of collective action & an 'everyone-counts' antidote to the culture of winner-takes-all, celebrity competitive, bullying of 'mis-fits" nonsense we seem to be still living with....

A still-alive greenham feminist socialist anthem looking for harmonies! & all in the key of G!

Collaboration welcome.....

'Our Society is bigger than yrs!'


Don't tell me that you'll never be
Sitting right here right next to me
Don't tell me that you don't belong
Yr the harmony to my song
It sounds a bit flat without ya
You got me thinking got me thinking about ya

Don't tell me that it's no use
Don't you come around here with yr tired excuse(s)
Cd be an expert or a total beginner
Don't u know there's never only one winner
Even on the days u don't feel strong
Just hang on in there 'cause U might be wrong

I know you thought that we all gave up & died
but ...there's a power that will not be denied...
We're intelligent & we got a cause
& our society is bigger than yrs!

( but) it cd all fall flat without ya
You got me talking, got me talking about ya...

We got the internet, space travel & cheap flight
We got eating disorders & teenage suicides
We cd be so so close to safe & free
It's up to you & babe it's up to me

It sounds a bit flat without ya.....
,,,,

rainy day...moving

It's raining,I'm happy to be indoors, still somewhere between the shock of recent bereavement and the faint rhythm of everyday life...tho, to be honest, my life rarely feels everyday!! ... big moves,big steps for myself and my remaining family as we adjust and attempt to.....re-build??? carry on? .... whatever it is you do after a major loss & all the reflections and challenges it brings. I began to clear and reclaim my old room this week which is really significant for me. hoovered up years of dust and made a space the young me would've felt safe in. Just moving furntiure is a big deal in the house that has lain immoveable since my Mum's death. Finding ways to negotiate with my brother, making decisions about where things go.... It's large steps... feels important, moving, tender, in some ways sad...yet good. XXXC