In response to National Remembrance Day 6 Sept for all who have died at the hands of ATOS & DWP

There was a time, several years ago now, when life challenges wore me very thin.

A debilitating long illness, bereavement, loss of job and relationship(s) left me weak and vulnerable. I was unemployed, on incapacity benefit, which, in itself had been a journey of shame and depression, admitting weakness being an uncomfortable thing for me.

When my Incapacity benefit was cut, following a demoralising assessment, which left me more depressed, ashamed and despondent, I found myself considering suicide.

Or, it's probably true-er to say, I found myself unable to sustain any belief that I deserved to live. The will to carry on, seemingly without any support whatsoever, seemed to slip from me and, after an appointment with Jobcentre plus, at which I was supposed to be actively seeking work, the viability of carrying on with my life seemed clearly unattainable.

In a very odd state indeed, I found myself walking through town. It felt unreal. There was nothing to hold me here. There was nothing supporting me or requiring me to live. I guess there is a kind of freedom in thinking you can end it all but its not a good freedom. Its hazy, ethereal, ungrounded and highly fragile.

I wandered to the bottom of the Moor and then up the Moor, feeling unreal, as if something should be here to stop me. But there was nothing. Some part of me was grieving me. Some part of me knew there were tears inside me, for myself, for my life, for a sense of value and being valued. But there was no one to speak for this. I had been officially declared unworthy of an income. I had been officially declared unworthy to live.

I walked towards Superdrug thinking I would buy sleeping pills.

I got there.

I entered the shop.

The strangest thing saved me. Something beautiful, raw and unlikely .

As I passed the make-up displays the gay male camp gene , which at the time was very strong in me, kicked in.

Like a snarling drag queen, known for their brittle tenacity , something rose up, spitting and snarling with a flourish of defiance. “Ha! Why buy sleeping pills when you could buy mascara?!”

And that was that.

I left the store with green glitter mascara, and a renewed connection to all who have been denied, made worthless, cast out and socially condemned.

I left the store still fragile, frightened , connected ...and alive.

It was that slender.

The line between destruction and survival.

And not all are so rescued.

I believe we all need something to hold us here. Some sense of connection Of care Of love even. We are all fragile. We are all interconnected. This is why I believe we need a welfare state.

Chrystine Moon Sept 2013

Cultivate hope....

Cultivate

Love,

Hope

and

joyfullness.

2013 Political Cry Out

2013.

OK Soulless fuckwit Coalition of short-term greed.

Congratulations, you nearly did it.

You've orchestrated such a relentless multi-level, multi-pronged attack on all of our basic human rights,

You have, indeed, almost rendered us speechless.

Even those of us who already had you branded as heartless, selfish bastards are indeed shocked at the span and depth of your callousness.

the scale of your seemingly endless raft of brutality.

You've gone for our homes,

for our health care,

our right to eat,

our right to education and ambition,

our right to care when vulnerable

and the rights of the vulnerable to full human self-hood and respect in a social and humane world.

You've threatened our right to reply. You threaten our right to protest.

And, when we do, you show your contempt by utterly ignoring all intelligent and humane concerns we raise.

You are killing us.

You clearly do not care.

Perhaps you are even pleased with this result

After all ,the weak and vulnerable do not appear to directly make you money.

But beware.

For as you sail home, cutting a path thru the melting ice caps, fracked landscape, devastated communities; As you kick your way thru the homeless, the sick, the distressed and vulnerable like a school child scuffing up fallen leaves in autumn, laughing all the way to the banks, beware...

for when you get there

you will find us.

Almost, but not yet silent.

Almost, but not yet broken

Not yet defeated.

Not surrendered

and Not Alone.

We will meet you there

and we will serve you with the consequences of your deeds.

We will stand,

hand in hand

on the firm ground of our own convictions.

Still saying what you have chosen to belittle,

Still saying what you have chosen to ignore.

Still saying that life on earth is precious and fragile ,

that human vulnerability is worth more than fiscal profit,

that human love is stronger and will prevail.

We will stand in the strength of our integrity

and you will sweat in your suits,

you will sweat in your insecurities, clinging to quantative easing,

grasping at derivatives and bail out clauses.

but these things will crumble

and you will fall.

And we

will carry on with what we have always been doing.

We will take back our homes,

reclaim our land,

we will care for each other, we will build with love and create with integrity. We will share.

We will manage.

We will balance power with responsibility.

And, when we make mistakes, we will apologise and rectify.

We will live together upon this fragile spinning earth.

And it is you who will be rendered speechless.

it is you who will be shook to the core by the realisation of your own vulnerability.

And,

for the first time,

You will notice the earth beneath your feet

and wonder

if you dare

to ask us for our help.

Chrystine Moon July 2013