%^&**(&^%ing Nightmare!!!!!!!!

My brother appears to deteriorate... tho his care team seem to think that's fine. This necessitates regular contact with my childhood home which raises stark memories of the neglect and abuse i suffered there. This distresses me greatly. at the same time I'm challenged with administrating my father's will and facilitating my brother's understanding and involvement in this. I'm stressed, distressed and somewhat at the end of my rope with all this. Not to mention its only just 2 months since my father died and, tho I've had some kindness and love from friends surrounding this, I frequently find myself alone and lacking nurture and support. This just repeats family patterns of neglect and damaging force to perform. I'm hanging in. still functional and hopefully still capable of creative thought & strategy.... but it's hell. Hard. and i feel overstretched and close to my limit.