There is a greater Love.

Fierce & Tender.

.... need to be loved fierce & tender , skilfully, with intelligence and wisdom springing from carnal touch.
Need to feel precision and reckless abundance fuse and break open, smiling with wise-held knowing spontaneous love.

This is not something anyone can teach you, tho in many ways they can & will, but more than that it is a knowing that grows in you and, if you have been harmed by insensitivity, hurt by a lack of love and honour, if you have survived these things and grown beyond them, you will possess the kind of knowing touch of which I speak.

Survivors know this. Lovers who progress beyond need into talent. Magicians of the carnal arts and also just those who love enough to want to get in right.

It's a bit like playing an instrument. There's the basic mechanics and then there's the soul.

Beyond fear Beyond ego beyond possession Beyond the limits of our small human hearts, there is a greater love that we can touch occasionally in moments that last forever sometimes if we dare.

The day of Dad's funeral

The day of dad's funeral

I wish we could have put “shame” in the coffin.
I wish you could've shed your fears and uncertainties and flown free without having to actually shed yr flesh and bones.
I wish you could've been there to see how many people turned up to your funeral;
How many words of genuine joy were spoken about you.
How many people cared.
I wish you could've seen the relatives reunited in conversation at the function afterwards.
I wish you could see your son taking over the housekeeping,
returning home to pay the milkman tho' he knew that it was not essential to do so on a day like today.
I wish you'd been there to see the many good things you leave behind
And, tho' I guess you are probably far too busy reuniting with your wife in whatever lies beyond us, I insist you take a moment to notice all of this.
And, also, to be thoroughly Proud of me!

Yr loving & stylish Daughter,

Chrystine Moon.

Dad

DAD
Jack Gomersall 31.5.26 - 18-8-2010
On day of Dad's death I recall these things......
His warm chuckling laugh, His deep caring. His unending care for both my brother and myself. His one-teabag-in-the-pot habit! (unless on special occasions : ) His generosity of spirit, his words of wisdom “Enjoy yr life” 'don't worry' and 'don't get down in the dumps.' His love of my mother. His joke about being member number '006' at his golf club.. not only a veteran golfer but “Licensed to thrill” apparently!
We disagreed about his use of weedol on the garden lawn; sometimes about our concerns for my brother... & not too much else that I can think of right now.
I wish I had had more time to appreciate his capacity for enjoying life and for appreciating him in general. I wish he'd had more time to enjoy time with Audrey (our Mum/ his wife) after his retirement and I wish he'd seized more adventures for himself before his passing.
I honour his love & devotion to his wife and family, his wise, steady wisdom and his warm humour and Yorkshire wit.
Trivia:
I bought him a laptop last father's day and he enrolled on a course at the local library to learn how to use it. The day he was ambulanced into hospital, two days ago, (it's hard to believe!) he got a call from the library saying a place on the course was available . He said, “I had to say “Oh I'm having some health problems so I will have to decline.” “ We both smiled at that. Almost part of the online community, as he lay on the NHS trolley awaiting admission.
I feel his love continue to live in my brother and myself
I feel the many memories of his kind, gentle ways still ambling around the house.
I wish I could send this message to him.. to tell him how much I love & appreciate his gifts and my life, but, y'know some things work even if yr not online.... and we both know that and always will.

still to come.....

UMI's to ponder on....
(undiagnosed mental illnesses..or Social Syndromes of our time!) SSOOT.

#4 Fear of abundance

#5 joy phobia

#6 Fear of love. ( probably the most prevalent & mostly undiagnosed.)
...... tbc .........

Storm Abundance

It's teaming it down with rain out there!
I've spent an abundant mornng on the allotment with my good buddy Heather; returned home with arms full of ripe, vital veggies; courgette, squash, potatoes & rainbow chard. Am about to go & have an 'express pedicure' @ the gym and off out tonight, dressed up & decorative!
Feeling ripe & fertile, wondering about babies, fostering, life choices & future plans. Appreciating how lucky I am/ we are living in this part o the world. feeling more rooted & connected, to my family, my friends, ... my -somewhat flexible- place in the world......

Tigers & Strawberries

There's some Buddhist fable about a monk hanging from a high cliff being approached by tigers; noticing strawberries growing at cliff edge, eating them and finding them Delicious in the face of impending death by tiger/drop.
That's somewhat unpoetical a rendition! but I'm appreciating the good stuff in a heightened way right now...
My Dad's being utterly amazing as he deals with (probably malignant) tumours and his unending care for my brother and myself.
I'm really appreciating him & hope he recovers and carries on being amazing for many more years to come.
I'm struggling with my own sense of support/ abandonment and noticing how friends old & new are there for me, or not!, but that many good-hearted people do care.
And... big stuff, too rambling to sum up here.. but somehow re-assessing what matters, what I can and cant do, what my problems are and aren't and noticing some of the ghosts that have hung around and reduced the celebration and sense of potential in my family and my life... Noticing them and feeling more able to blow them a kiss goodbye! with sadness, anger, grief and joy. I think I'm feeling grateful for my life. and grateful for my parents. and grateful for the strawberries! which, actually grow well!

Real life online

It's kind of odd blogging about real life & death stuff.
feels sort of fractured and connected at the same time.
.... ....

Musings on a grey day

It's a grey day here with amazing luminous clouds and patches of brightness. I feel tired, expansive and dreamy. My dad has a worrying health condition, yet to be fully confirmed. I'm so glad to be able to see and appreciate him amidst the challenges that made our family hard to celebrate at times. There are big challenges ahead. A beautiful moth has decided to die in my kitchen, currently hogging the bread bin in its graceful decline. Life feels delicate and amazing. I'm appreciating the friends who are here for me. ......

UMI series #3 Compassion Deficit Disorder

Compassion Deficit Disorder is one of the more obvious mental illnesses.
It simply occurs where an individual, or group, has lost the ability to feel compassion for others. It can occur in specific relationships or, more commonly, may extend to whole groups or categories of fellow beings. Categorisation of others can be a symptom of CDD leading to another of the "them" & "us" type syndromes in which a sense of kinship with one's fellow beings is diminished and, thus, compassionate feelings are decreased.

Causes.
Exposure to the less tolerant strains of tabloid journalism is a common cause, as is undue and prolonged stress and a lack of pleasure in one's own life.

Cure.
Once diagnosed CDD is often easy to cure. Sometimes the simple awareness that compassion is missing, and desirable, is enough to restore it to healthy levels .
The real mystery about CDD is how it can spread so rampantly thru sections of society and, particularly, inflict those in positions of authority without being noticed, checked and reversed.
Everyone can help reverse this trend, simply by pointing out where compassion is lacking and clearly stating the need for its return.